Back Again: Strategy

28 April 2019 (Sunday Afternoon): Today for the first time in a long time I feel like I am back again. It feels like I have lost weeks and parts of my normal life routine. Fitness, business structure, my garden, Lara and Bella.

Possibly Lara and Bella have suffered the most in that I have battled to get back to a routine to run with them each morning for quite a few weeks now as the pressure built up to the PIR. My cardio fitness suffering equally. I have managed to keep going with strength training but that too, along with my diet, has taken a step backwards.

But today, a good step back to cardio and strength training, some house cleaning and laundry, a stint in the garden, cooking a really nice fish soup (not that I set out for it to be a soup) that I think even Gerhard would have been impressed with and enjoyed. Most of all I feel like I am finally back in control of me again. My strength of mind, a strategy, a purpose and a determined sense to succeed.

It has weighed on me, especially since the conclusion of the PIR, that there is still a mountain of work to prepare for. I allow myself the acknowledgement of some small battles, maybe even bigger than I give myself credit for. But battles nonetheless. The war for Gerhard’s truth is still on, still alive and still needs proper strategy. Now more than ever, I need to keep the initiative and keep my momentum, secure some of the battles fought, win some more, and more than ever, plan to win.

I am under no illusion that while processes may exist and as the coroner pointed out, new inquests can be reset after this one concludes, the challenge to achieve that after her decisions are made at the final inquiry process, the chances of me succeeding at getting a second inquest, are remote. Both financially and institutionally, I am acutely aware, this inquest has to be it. I must succeed in Gerhard’s Truth. There is only one shot at this!

I know that I don’t have the luxury of waiting for the outcome of the next stage of coroner’s processes which have been set in motion. Whatever it is, once received, the wheels will almost certainly move fast again and I need to be well placed to respond and react. The inquest has been provisionally postponed to accommodate this but I need to be well advanced by the time it arrives and of course by the time the inquest date arrives, whatever that date may be.

I listed the points that need to be covered and the list is long.

I need to prioritise and ensure every week there can record of progress. Three points lie ahead for this week. Daunting tasks and I know, and may be emotionally unsettling again.

I am back. My strategy drafted and ready for action. What lies ahead is meticulous planning, researching, thinking and documenting. Importantly, maintaining routine and balance in my life. Above all though, maintaining mental stability and strength.

Our two beautiful Dachshund dogs. Lara and Bella. To this day, Lara continues to be more like me and Bella, unquestionably Gerhard's favourite, is just like him - cute, determined and demanding. Some of my happiest memories are the laughter Bella brought to Gerhard as she acted about.