21 April 2019: This Sunday, mid-way through Easter Weekend, has particular relevance in that it gives special meaning to the existence of Gerhard, his soul still being with us and very much alive. I like to think he is guiding me through this process of ensuring his truth is properly presented despite the mountain of hurdles.
The death of Jesus and his resurrection, which would be tomorrow, gives measure to my personal comfort that despite Gerhard not being with me in the physical sense, he is with me in the spiritual sense.
The last two days have been particularly tough as I prepare for the Pre-Inquest Inquiry. The process has required a look into the forensic aspects of the crime scene; particularly how Gerhard's body was positioned that morning and its condition.
Most of the research is graphic and disturbing and I eventually found it very emotionally difficult to manage. Last night was particularly difficult as I despaired at both Gerhard and my God. I drifted off to sleep in that same despair.
I have woken today a bit more subjective and, while still feeling emotionally sensitive, feel a bit more subjective and back in control, with the despair mostly dissipated.
Today, Easter Sunday, I will take some time out to heal a bit. A run in The Regents Park with the Laura and Bella and then back to preparation this afternoon - time is short for Wednesday's PIR.